The Lies I Told Myself About Drinking

I used to tell myself a lot of things just to justify my drinking.

I told myself everyone drinks like I do – or even more. I said things like:
"Come on, I had just one shot at work, I was celebrating something."
"I’m a functional alcoholic – I should be proud of that."
"So what if I drink alone? Lots of people do."

I convinced myself I didn’t have a problem, because I still got up for work. Because I wasn’t homeless. Because I drank beer instead of vodka. Because I wasn’t like them – whoever “they” were.

I made promises too.
“I’ll cut down next week.”
“I’ll stop after this weekend.”
“Just one more night.”

Those promises were lies I repeated like a prayer – daily. And I believed them, until I didn’t.

When someone tried to tell me I might be drinking too much, I’d defend myself like a cornered animal.
"You don’t know what you’re talking about!"
"I drink within normal limits!"
Meanwhile, I couldn’t even stand straight or form a proper sentence.

The truth?
The truth took its time.
It didn’t hit me on the first sober day. Or the tenth.
Somewhere in the first or second month of my sobriety, the fog began to lift.
I started to look back and think:
"Wait... did I really believe all that?"

Even now, I still go over those thoughts sometimes. I still catch glimpses of how deep I was into denial.

But here’s the thing:
That version of me needed those lies to survive.
This version of me doesn’t.

Now, I live in truth – even when it’s uncomfortable.
Especially when it’s uncomfortable.