What I Thought Drinking Gave Me (and What It Really Took Away)

I used to think drinking gave me power. Confidence. Control.

Especially control — over my thoughts, my emotions, my actions. But with time, I realized it wasn’t me in control. It was the addiction.

I thought alcohol made me more sociable, more fun. Turns out, people were just tolerating me. Some even avoided me. One friend recently told me, “You were too loud. Kind of annoying.” That hurt. But they weren’t wrong.

Back then, I couldn’t see it. I thought I was the life of the party. But I was just a guy with a drink, trying not to fall apart.

What did alcohol really take from me? It took my chance at love. It stole my education — twice. I enrolled, dropped out, tried again, failed again. It took time I could’ve spent with my grandfather — a man I deeply loved, but chose not to visit because I’d rather drink alone in my room. It took conversations I’ll never get back. Connections I never formed. Moments I lost to the fog.

But here’s the thing…

Since getting sober, I’ve gained more than I ever had with alcohol. I have real relationships now — not just drinking buddies. I have goals. Clear ones. And I’m working toward them. I have a vision of who I am, where I’m going. And for once, I don’t have to lie to myself to feel okay.

There’s no more hiding. No more excuses. Just me — honest, clear, and finally in control. For real this time.